american american christian preceptions

Iapos;m so stupid u_u

I was typing to Kaci, and she wasnapos;t typing back. Sheapos;s having a bad day today and she feels really horrible. When she stopped typing I paniced because I was afraid she was hurting herself. So I picked up my cell phone and she didnapos;t pick up. So I got nervous because I HATE leaving messages. I hate apos;em a lot because I get nervous. So I did exactly what I thought would happen. I got nervous, and I DID get my point across but in such a childish manner and...god did I sound sarcastic? Oh god I donapos;t even know...I donapos;t even know- I canapos;t believe it was me talking. I told her she was crazy...Iapos;m so used to telling Jennifer and Tracey there crazy and it makes them laugh, but I said that and I was thinking "SHIT" because that probably didnapos;t help >_< Oh god I have no clue what to do now. Sheapos;s away right now and Iapos;m really nervous and worried...

I really look up to Kaci. I really do and Iapos;m not sure why but I do. I like her better than a lot of my other friends. Christina is always busy with her b/f she never has any time to hang out with me...so our friendship is very dim but its still their. Jennifer is cool, but itapos;s not the same And Britney? I look up to her too. I think Britney and Kaci are probably the most decent friends I have right now. Christina is just into all kind of political crap I donapos;t even care about. We have nothing to talk about anymore... Things are getting weird.

Another fear clogging my brain cells is that, what if Britney doesnapos;t go to Ramona next year? If she doesnapos;t...then...god itapos;d be just horrible. I wouldnapos;t have an artistical fun friend to be around and Iapos;d be sad...because Britney always cheered me up. Just like Kaci always does when Iapos;m sad. Sometimes Iapos;m sad, and I donapos;t even say anything because Iapos;ll hide it behind a smile. And then sheapos;ll say something thats funny or interesting that makes me forget about my problems. Britneys like that too, except she can see through my smile because sheapos;s in person. Kaci probably can too though...

Iapos;m just horribley worried...I donapos;t want her to kill herself...or even think about such things. I feel like this is all my fault...somehow it is I just know it...I can feel it in my gut ~_~ Iapos;m gonna go do...something... God I feel real bad...I canapos;t even help What kind of a friend am I o_O?

-Dana

P.s. Retorical, but Iapos;ll answer with "A bad one" anyways u_u


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